Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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