I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
