when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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