Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
