I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
