Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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