OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
