In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
