You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
