I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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