Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
