i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
