Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
