I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
