i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
