I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
