Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
