you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dignity is for republicans.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
