a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
