Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
