nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
