Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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