the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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