I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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