and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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