i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
