Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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