So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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