oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am available for nakedness
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
