Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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