I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
