He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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