I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
