Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
