I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
