I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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