oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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