Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
