So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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