Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
