I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
