I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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