If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
