What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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