What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
