Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
