I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
