I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
