Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
