we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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