After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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