I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
